I'm hoping to make this post into more of a series, since I really want to keep track of what it took to lose the GD weight I've gained since finding out I was pregnant. Since Delilah was born I've gone from, "Oh, it's just not the right time to focus on me," to, "Can I please get some f---ing time to focus on ME!?" in my head.
From the day I became a mother my whole orbit changed. I was no longer even interested in my own being, all I cared about was how Delilah was doing. How many ounces of breastmilk did she get today? Is she crying because of something I'm doing wrong? Is her poop supposed to be that color?? The questions were (and still are, to some extent) endless. It seems I just kind of stopped caring about myself (evident in that fact that even now I wear pajamas for a full day because I know I'm not going to leave the house, except maybe to walk to my mailbox, 20 steps away) on September 29, 2011.
I think this is something many women go through. We're not paid to get back to our pre-baby weight in 3 months like Gisele Bundchen or Jessica Alba, so why bother? I'm sure there are lots of women who DO bother...I'm just not one of them. Or, rather, I haven't been one of them, until now.
At this point in motherhood I am feeling the pull to give my girl some slack on that umbilical cord. Not much, mind you, but enough to feel some independence (for both of us, really). My daughter is 18 months old and I haven't even had a night out with my husband yet! HOLY CRAP! I am finally feeling ready, but not confident. I don't like how I look and it bleeds over to every other part of my life. My lack of confidence is doing me no favors, and it's surely not a good example to set for Delilah. I don't want her to feel this way about herself. I don't want her to be embarrassed of me someday (the fat mom). And I want another child, but I will not do obese pregnancy again. It was not comfortable for me.
My goal from now on is to treat my body with the respect it deserves. After all, I carried a human being inside of me for nine months, then had my body sliced open to get her out safely. I can't keep allowing the excuses to pile up. Examples:
1) "I'm exhausted." What parent ISN'T???? I have to accept that I will be tired until she's a teenager, maybe even beyond that, and move on. Eating better and exercising will actually INCREASE my energy. LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS IRONING - YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.
2) "We're too busy!" Ummm...I just watched about 2 hours of TV while sitting on the couch. I bet if I take that time after D goes to bed and use it at the gym or even just planning meals, grocery shopping, strength training - I can find the time. I have to become important again. I am more important than TV. Even "The Walking Dead"...okay, maybe not that show, but you get the idea.
At this point I am slowly working my way into a weight loss plan. I have goals, rewards and apps to help. I have tons of support (thanks to all you readers). As scary as it seems to make a change, it's what's best for me and my family.
I have a little over 70 pounds to lose in order to hit my first big goal weight. The reward when I get to that goal? Start trying for baby number two! Wish me luck...
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