Once she came into the world, we knew Delilah was a little more alert than most newborns. She has always had this intense stare that it seems can see right into your soul. She was always very aware of things - people have commented on this since day one. She didn't seem to fit the story of the constantly sleeping newborn; she wanted to be a part of this world!
While I was trying to make breastfeeding work, we had to wake Delilah up if she was asleep in order to feed her "on time". This was the most horrible process we had to go through in the beginning. We would have to rouse her from a nice, deep sleep in order to force feed her something that she couldn't even latch onto properly. Looking back, I would not do this again. If I run into this problem with our next child, I will pump and bottle feed - no more waking a sleeping baby. We would have to rouse her awake, which was so upsetting for all of us. Eventually we stopped doing this and just decided to do things our way. She slept so well after that. It was wonderful.
When Delilah was a little over a month old we attempted to get some grown up time by putting her upstairs to sleep while we stayed downstairs to watch TV. We would put her in her bed (in our room) upstairs - I was a nervous wreck whenever we did this - and she would wake up about 20 minutes after we left the room SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER. I swear there were times when I thought a spider bit her or something was in our room scaring her! After these episodes I would hold her downstairs until she fell asleep, then I'd put her in her little chair downstairs so she could sleep down there with us. We had to rig blankets to screen her from the TV light, but it helped her to sleep knowing we were nearby. Again, something I learned for the next baby.
While she slept in our room she was in one of those pack and play things that had a "newborn cuddle nest" or some dumb name like that. It scared me because it was so snuggly and all of the books said she needed to be on a firm mattress on her back ONLY. Eventually we stopped using the snuggle thing and just put her in the play yard, swaddled and listening to white noise while she fell asleep.
At one time she was sleeping through most of the night (I think when she was about 2 months old), which allowed us to get the rest we needed so desperately. We were so proud and amazed when she would go down after her bedtime routine (bath, bottle and book, bed). We felt we had accomplished something that most parents don't so early in infancy. Cut to one month later...
Around three months of age everything changed. Delilah started to fight sleep pretty young. She was almost impossible to put down - once she would fall asleep it was a stealth operation to get her into her bed without waking her. Looking back, I know we should have started some sort of sleep training much earlier. It took her no time at all to learn that crying equals Mommy and Daddy back in the room. We just thought she was too young (and she probably was) for those cry-it-out methods we'd been hearing about.
Honestly, now, I wish we'd just done co-sleeping once we realized how sensitive Delilah is. At this point in her life (a little over 9 months old) she is VERY difficult to put down to sleep. We have our easy times, but even those include some fussing or fighting. She just doesn't want to miss out, it seems like. The doctor warned me at her last visit (6 month) that we have a very smart child on our hands. She actually has known for a long time how to "work" us by screaming and crying. Even now she will stand screaming in the crib, acting like she doesn't know how to get back down on the mattress...but she does. I've seen her plop her butt back down and crawl to another part of the crib.
At this point in her babyhood, Jace and I realize we need to do something because she still wakes a couple of times a week early in the morning and after her bottle she will scream and cry if we try to put her back down. It is frustrating and infuriating for both of us. We also have a hard time getting out of her room because the floor right by her room door creak like the dickens as we're trying to leave, and any little noise will wake this child up if she's not passed out cold. We even whisper downstairs and use closed captioning when we watch movies, just to be safe. One time I tore a piece of foil down in the kitchen while she was sleeping upstairs and IT WOKE HER UP!! She has the most sensitive ears...just like me. LOL.
The part of this issue that is the most difficult is that we fear she isn't getting "enough" sleep. Sure, every child is different, but ours will go to sleep at 8 or 9 pm (on a difficult night), wake up at 3 am, scream and cry for 30 minutes before falling back to sleep, then wake at 5:45 to start the day. We've read that she's supposed to be getting 11 or more hours of sleep...not happening. And don't get me started on naps. Oh boy. For many months I would just give in and let the person watching her (while I work from home) take her out on a walk for sleep because she was fighting SO hard against sleeping in her crib and I just didn't have time while working to figure it out.
**The above paragraphs were written over the past few months. Her sleep patterns have changed (a little) at this point.**
At this point Delilah is a better sleeper. I doubt she'll take longer naps as she gets older, considering that she has already begun taking MUCH shorter morning naps (1/2 hour to 40 minutes). We have our days of "I don't want to sleeeeeep, even though I'm exhausteeeeed!", and we just try our best to stay sane and work with her until she realizes sleep feels good. There are guaranteed ways (car ride, stroller ride) of getting her to sleep, but we don't want to rely on those any more as she's almost a year old. She should be sleeping in her bed, unless it's been a long day and we're on our way home from somewhere exhausting. I am tired of relying on sleep crutches to get me through the day.
Bedtime is still a work in progress. Jace and I switch off, but he has a way with her at night that I just don't. In this house we call him "The Closer", since he is usually able to get her to sleep, even when she's seemingly wide awake with me.
We do some cry-it-out if she just isn't getting the message that it's bedtime. We start with 5 minutes, then go back in and soothe, then wait ten minutes, and so on. Most times she'll be asleep after the second round (10 minutes). We've found this method works pretty well for us.
Over the past 4 days she has been sleeping through the night (between 7 and 8 pm to 6 am) and boy has it been nice. We know there is a tooth coming, though...so I'm not totally convinced this will last very long. Teething always throws a wrench in the machine.
We have not had the easiest time with our little girl when it comes to sleep, but every time she finally does go down to sleep all I can think about is how much I want to see her again!! Our sleep deprivation is minimal compared to some peoples' and we know we're lucky in that respect. We usually get our downtime for a couple of hours after she goes to sleep at night, which brings us back together as a couple. That seems to be the key to surviving this first year without going insane: lean on your partner when you need to. Don't expect them to do EVERYthing, but know that you have someone to take over when things are getting rough and you're pulling your hair out. This is something Jace and I are lucky to have.
We're almost to the one year mark and we're hoping we'll be sleeping in by the time she's 20 years old. By then I'm sure we'll have adjusted to the 6 am wake-up time, as most parents do, and we won't actually be able to sleep past then. I've seen it with my parents. We'll most likely end up in the same boat...but it's all worth it. A million times over, it is worth it.
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| Back when she used to sleep in her little chair - so precious. <3 |
